May the Universal Almighty help us both

3 something in the morning really is not a good time to contemplate my personal worth. I thought i was on a leveled plane. Everything was laid out and each one of us is even handed. And i just realize, how light and ignorant i am. What fool i have been, truly. All his writings showed traces in his conversation, what a fool I am to ignore them, giving light laughs and silence; short of satisfaction, even i can tell. Everything i thought as meaningful and progressive was probably leading me to a more slippery hill. I feel unsure, uncertain, insecure. Being an active pursuer since a long time, i am understanding and deciphering more and more codes of the other side; now i am one of them. The page is black tiled. The words solemn, but eloquent. They struck me at first, sharply reflecting my awkwardness in a one-man band. Then the emotions, rantings, frank confessions and discussions engulfed me. It pains me, to watch, to recognize, to realize my lateness in arrival. The scene is crowed, the plate is already too full. Where am I, where am I amidst the chaos, when I am so uncertain and of a mess myself. Insomnia. chivalry. Whatever. I am trying to figure out a puzzle that is hidden so far and deep from me. Time is running out. I feel like Alice following the rabbit in the damn hole, wandering in confusion as the watch clock ticks away. Feist's songs all make sense now, perfect sense, like truth ringing in the night.
I think i still have hope within my conscious. I know when i see him everything will go into the uncontrollable zone, spinning off in its own course. I will have this knowledge, from tonight and on, deep behind my mind, making me question and hurting me whenever i think about it. How i resent this uncertainty yet i tie my last hope and maybe happiness on to this thread. I need some help from him. I ended up on this path, will you come out and guide me, to walk on it or migrate to another. Right now i only wish i can freeze the unrest, unsettling vibe. Although you do not believe, yet, may the universal Almighty help us both.