3 something in the morning really is not a good time to contemplate my personal worth. I thought i was on a leveled plane. Everything was laid out and each one of us is even handed. And i just realize, how light and ignorant i am. What fool i have been, truly. All his writings showed traces in his conversation, what a fool I am to ignore them, giving light laughs and silence; short of satisfaction, even i can tell. Everything i thought as meaningful and progressive was probably leading me to a more slippery hill. I feel unsure, uncertain, insecure. Being an active pursuer since a long time, i am understanding and deciphering more and more codes of the other side; now i am one of them. The page is black tiled. The words solemn, but eloquent. They struck me at first, sharply reflecting my awkwardness in a one-man band. Then the emotions, rantings, frank confessions and discussions engulfed me. It pains me, to watch, to recognize, to realize my lateness in arrival. The scene is crowed, the plate is already too full. Where am I, where am I amidst the chaos, when I am so uncertain and of a mess myself. Insomnia. chivalry. Whatever. I am trying to figure out a puzzle that is hidden so far and deep from me. Time is running out. I feel like Alice following the rabbit in the damn hole, wandering in confusion as the watch clock ticks away. Feist's songs all make sense now, perfect sense, like truth ringing in the night.
I think i still have hope within my conscious. I know when i see him everything will go into the uncontrollable zone, spinning off in its own course. I will have this knowledge, from tonight and on, deep behind my mind, making me question and hurting me whenever i think about it. How i resent this uncertainty yet i tie my last hope and maybe happiness on to this thread. I need some help from him. I ended up on this path, will you come out and guide me, to walk on it or migrate to another. Right now i only wish i can freeze the unrest, unsettling vibe. Although you do not believe, yet, may the universal Almighty help us both.
2007年11月28日星期三
2007年11月27日星期二
Tribute to all my Berries
"Easy To Luv You" by Stacie Orrico
(re-edited lyrics)
Feelin good
I'm so bad at this, I really am
Feel love when i look into your eyes
I get butterflies
Almost everytime
(there will always be those butterflies)
I wish you could be here all the time
Ohh, cause baby you belong at my side
[CHORUS:]
what more can I say
I'm always thinkin of you
You make it so easy to love you
It's never too hard to
Revolve my world around you
Every moment we spend
I don‘t want it to end
Let it start over again
again and again
Say, love
With you I feel at ease
Things that seemed important don't seem that important
Boy you know i hate when you leave
Oh won't you please just stay here with me
he made me laugh a lot, and
So i thought ...
(re-edited lyrics)
Feelin good
I'm so bad at this, I really am
Feel love when i look into your eyes
I get butterflies
Almost everytime
(there will always be those butterflies)
I wish you could be here all the time
Ohh, cause baby you belong at my side
[CHORUS:]
what more can I say
I'm always thinkin of you
You make it so easy to love you
It's never too hard to
Revolve my world around you
Every moment we spend
I don‘t want it to end
Let it start over again
again and again
Say, love
With you I feel at ease
Things that seemed important don't seem that important
Boy you know i hate when you leave
Oh won't you please just stay here with me
he made me laugh a lot, and
So i thought ...
2007年11月24日星期六
2007年11月22日星期四
2007年11月20日星期二
2007年11月19日星期一
Fiction 我的童话
『
你向我点点头，我对你招招手。一场戏就这么开始了。
滑下肩头的长发。浅笑浮上嘴角。
低垂的眼帘不是你想象的娇羞。
我与你，演着对角戏。
他从我身边走过，让我错乱了手脚。绞缠的手帕如我紊乱的心跳。
似乎裸露在光天化日下，粉碎了我矜持虚伪的面具。
输赢不再是我主宰，亦不是我的快乐伤悲。
舞台的灯光包围着他，他却一概不知，看不见黑暗里的我。
你是否见证了我被粉碎的那一刻。你是否感觉到了我的悲伤我的无奈。
我已无意推测。
你，我，他。三人独角戏。
』
他看着她，真有趣。
糟糕的演技却又那么投入，可知道失败的代价？
化为泡沫的人鱼公主多么愚蠢。
你却依旧喜欢在刀尖上行走。
搏一搏也好，他笑了，
如果你坠下船头，我来做你的海洋。
你向我点点头，我对你招招手。一场戏就这么开始了。
滑下肩头的长发。浅笑浮上嘴角。
低垂的眼帘不是你想象的娇羞。
我与你，演着对角戏。
他从我身边走过，让我错乱了手脚。绞缠的手帕如我紊乱的心跳。
似乎裸露在光天化日下，粉碎了我矜持虚伪的面具。
输赢不再是我主宰，亦不是我的快乐伤悲。
舞台的灯光包围着他，他却一概不知，看不见黑暗里的我。
你是否见证了我被粉碎的那一刻。你是否感觉到了我的悲伤我的无奈。
我已无意推测。
你，我，他。三人独角戏。
』
他看着她，真有趣。
糟糕的演技却又那么投入，可知道失败的代价？
化为泡沫的人鱼公主多么愚蠢。
你却依旧喜欢在刀尖上行走。
搏一搏也好，他笑了，
如果你坠下船头，我来做你的海洋。
2007年11月17日星期六
2007年11月16日星期五
__
暧昧。对这种粘腻的，不清不楚的感觉有些厌烦。因人而异。
每个人都想被关注。被关注到了一种程度，又没达到显而易见的，或者坦然无疑的地步，就有了暧昧。
无奈牵绊着失望。做什么都无济于事也就不想再做什么了。虚荣心是个可怕的东西。孤独下需要的肯定和陪伴也是那么可恶，把不屑的想要回避的通通掩饰成了容易接纳的种种。头脑不清楚了，反复问着问题：你在干什么。你开心么。
熟悉的不一定是想要的。表面上可以佯装欢笑，内心的不满再怎么也躲不过，异常平静。满眼闪烁的美丽镜像尖锐地反射着灵魂的空虚。
空着的到底是缺了什么。我不知道在哪里找。
Incomplete. I want my other piece back. The lost puzzle piece.
每个人都想被关注。被关注到了一种程度，又没达到显而易见的，或者坦然无疑的地步，就有了暧昧。
无奈牵绊着失望。做什么都无济于事也就不想再做什么了。虚荣心是个可怕的东西。孤独下需要的肯定和陪伴也是那么可恶，把不屑的想要回避的通通掩饰成了容易接纳的种种。头脑不清楚了，反复问着问题：你在干什么。你开心么。
熟悉的不一定是想要的。表面上可以佯装欢笑，内心的不满再怎么也躲不过，异常平静。满眼闪烁的美丽镜像尖锐地反射着灵魂的空虚。
空着的到底是缺了什么。我不知道在哪里找。
Incomplete. I want my other piece back. The lost puzzle piece.
2007年11月15日星期四
开心
Nov. 15, 2007 阴，有点风，凉凉的。和他走在一起我不在意。也许身体发着抖，但风从来没有刮到心里。满足的感觉。Everything seems to fall in to place. It's right, just right. And I don't want any more or less. 每个时刻，完整。
不是我想象的轰轰烈烈。喜欢的那么理所当然。也许是他的亮亮的大眼睛，淡淡的幽默，或是恰到好处的微笑。啊 也许是他一笔一划公正的抄写。。。也许是他的执着。。。我不知道我要的是什么，不过他的存在很舒服，让我安心，让我看到他就不自主的想笑。Such combination of tenderness and joy, i never seem to experienced it before.
不是我想象的轰轰烈烈。喜欢的那么理所当然。也许是他的亮亮的大眼睛，淡淡的幽默，或是恰到好处的微笑。啊 也许是他一笔一划公正的抄写。。。也许是他的执着。。。我不知道我要的是什么，不过他的存在很舒服，让我安心，让我看到他就不自主的想笑。Such combination of tenderness and joy, i never seem to experienced it before.
2007年11月1日星期四
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