快结束了。感觉在一个漩涡里面晕头转向得现在终于要被甩出去了。也许就会清静了。

得到了的感觉怪怪的。发现自己真是个很有占有欲的人，对莫名的事情很贪心很霸道。也可以说，是因为自己不自信才会想把什么都握在手里，放在看得见的地方。那样才安心。但那样又觉着来得太容易。

有些东西理解不了，希望时间可以告诉一切。不知道会不会后悔。现在说也许已经晚了。像上课一样， 失败过一次才能吸取教训， 更明白自己是个什么样的世俗凡人。

结束这低沉的调调，我现在再一次享受了被朋友们爱护关怀或仅仅在身边守候的美好感觉。被惦记着感觉很好 ：）考试的时候能够一起痛苦和快乐很开心。从来没有在半夜三更的时候有那么多的人一起陪；从没有在任何考试前的晚上12点出去吃饭聊天一起郁闷。每个友好的小动作都很温馨。当他说还是比较担心我，当他说it's not cool我先走了，当他提出陪我走路，当他说他的地方随时都欢迎我，当他说应该吃顿饭好好聊聊，当他们笑着找过来开玩笑地说想我了，当他说对不起有没有打扰了，当他说要不要尝一口，当他害羞在我面前不愿讲话。。。都是这些小事让我觉得找到了个舒服的位置，归属，在这些人中间feel that I belong.

从PGSA后感觉自我的舒展，这是下一步了，开始慢慢陷入这个泥泽。 Instead of feeling clear, free and hopeful, 现在更像是身不由己。也许到了某一步会觉得完全融入了， 那时候会开心么。好了，现在去见朋友拉~~

Limerence - Let's learn about Love the technical way...

Limerence

• a scientific study into the nature of romantic love.
  
• it is an involuntarycognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person, the limerent object.
• aka "having a crush" on, but unlike a crush, can last months, years or even a lifetime.
  
• Characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated.
  
• Traditional terms in German or Russian both may be translated to “fallen-in-love-ness”.

ok, search it on Wikipedia for more detailed explanation. I'll just quote some excerpts:

It is not entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus on despair, sometimes to the point of suicide. The pleasantness or unpleasantness of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction. Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.

Along with the emphasis on positive qualities perceived in the limerent object, and preoccupation with the hope for return of feelings, there is a fear that limerence will be met by the very opposite of reciprocation: rejection. Considerable self-doubt and uncertainty is experienced and it causes pain, but also enhances desire to a certain extent. However in most cases, this is what helps to eventually destroy the limerence if a suitably long period of time has passed without reciprocation - this can stretch up to about six years.

Although it appears that limerence blossoms under some forms of adversity, extreme caution and shyness may prevent a relationship from occurring, even when both parties are interested. This results from a fear of exposing one's undesirable characteristics to the limerent object.

Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty.The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning.

The physiological correlations of limerence are heart palpitations, trembling, pallor, flushing, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stammering, shyness, and confusion predominate at the behavioral level. There is apprehension, nervousness, and anxiety due to terrible worry that any action may bring about disaster. Many of the commonly associated physiological reactions are the result of the limerent fear.

lol

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Shakira

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

转贴

“一个女人爱上一个男人，是一种深深的依恋，而且往往是单向的，并不 顾及男人的响应。这种依恋并非是物质上靠男人穿衣吃饭，而是带幻想性的无缘无故且毫无理由的牵挂。那一天晚上在梦中惊醒，你会莫明其妙地担心他会遇到什么 危险；或许那一天刮起了风，她又会无缘无故地担忧树枝会掉下来砸到他。
　　
男人在追求女 人的时候，其心理成分很复杂，既有感情性质，又有心机性质。很简单，用他的成熟魅力来换取你跟着他，自身条件越好的，越知道用什么样的招式逼你就犯。这里 面是有一点点哄骗的。因此，你再说：“他是这个世界上最爱你的男人”就显得你太肤浅了。
　　
　　所谓爱一个人不求结果之说，也是自欺欺人的，弱者这么说是自欺；强者这么说是欺人。爱情必有果实——不甜就苦。世界上简单快乐的爱情很多，总有一个适合你，你太执着了，自制死局，真的很幼稚，爱真的没有最后答案。"

咖啡shock/shake过后

整一星期没有见面。我的思绪狂奔，在一个盒子里，黑盒子。世界浓缩在一个盒子里，好像没有出口。像黝黑森林篝火旁晃动的神秘疯狂的面具黑影。像黑夜里削骨凉风下的狂流暗滚。不安焦躁。颤抖着。没有对手的情况下开始寻找生命的意义，生活的成败。失望无助的时候，似乎感觉真理不远了。浴火重生？亦，海市蜃楼？

裸露。

Break free. 心灵的自由。
到外面走走就好了。有光的地方也好。摇滚电音，吵闹的声音，好。朋友，好。什么都好。
离开，好。space, 好。不见面，好。不说话。不沟通。只有满脑子的胡话瞎想。
打击乐。吉它base。尖叫。疯狂。追求psychedelic的灵魂震撼。黑暗里混沌中的点点绚烂烟花。